I think it’s safe to say that I am about to share a personal story about something that happened to me that I wasn’t expecting…
Well, here it is. I was rear-ended yesterday morning driving home from dropping off my oldest at school. I was in my husband’s car, a 2001 Toyota Camry. This car is my nemesis, btw. I have not liked it since we got it. It has so many quirks, it’s a manual transmission, it is small and really low to the ground. Our other car is a Suburban so you can imagine why it’s not my favorite to drive. It gets way better gas mileage than the Suburban so I drive it to work a lot when I am cleaning my client’s homes. Which sucks! Because in Nashville the infrastructure is not quite up to par when it comes to the number of people who live here now and our highways are always very crowded and slow. (It took me 2 hours to get home from a client’s house that usually takes me 25 minutes a few weeks ago). I was in Matt’s car during that long drive and it super sucks to have to change gears while you are barely moving.
(This is a much nicer version of Matt’s car.)
I like to give Matt a hard time about his car all the time. It reminds me of the Plymouth Sundance my sisters and I drove in high school that eventually you had to climb in the windows or the back 2 doors to get in and out of because the front doors refused to open. I tease him all the time that the Camry is a teenager car and, no longer being a teenager, I DO NOT enjoy having to push the clutch in in order to buckle my seatbelt… just saying.
I have so few luxuries these days. (You can take that with a grain of salt). Driving a nice, comfortable car is something I do enjoy. Especially because between 3 school pickups, dropoffs and my client cleans every week, plus gymnastics and other after school activities for my 3 kids, I spend A LOT of time in the car. A LOT!
A selfie! Of me… in my car! Where I spend a good amount of my time.
So, the fact that the back of Matt’s teenager car was smashed into yesterday while I was stopped at a red light waiting for my turn to go, is very frustrating but not because I am going to miss the specific car. Although I do feel very bad for the poor kid who hit me and also for our family because we really need 2 cars. We will be okay. The kid has insurance and was very sweet and very sorry. I did have to spend the day in the ER and have a mild concussion and rotator cuff injury. Boo.
The thing that makes me the most annoyed is all the logistics now. We have a rental car, we will get some money from the insurance company for our car but it won’t be much, (see the above about the state of our little beater car), we will have money for medical stuff and lost wages most likely. No, it’s the fact that I now have to take some time off work. The work that I currently do that actually brings in income… house cleaning. I am frustrated to be the reason my husband has to work harder and take on more to help me while I heal. I am so annoyed at our health care system that discriminates against people on Medicaid. The Ortho we have used for 10 plus years no longer accepts our insurance. Another Boo.
So many little annoyances and, at the heart of it all, is me. Needing help and time to rest and recover. That is hard for me. I think any woman with a family would agree that, even with a partner who is very involved, when I am down, it’s super inconvenient for our family. My kids are old enough to help out and they already do a lot. My friends have offered to help us and I am so grateful for people who love me and are here to help.
At a certain point some help can become a bit too much logistically too, which is another weird thing to say without feeling like a jerk. I appreciate it all so much but don’t have a ton of capacity to come up with ideas for ways for them to help. I also can’t clean the house right now to the standards I usually like to have it, which makes me feel stressed. The kids are good but I am just better at the cleaning/organizing part. Which makes sense, I have a lot more experience than they do. Ha!
This pug in a blanket seems to encapsulate my mood today.
Life strikes again! I had my whole day planned out yesterday. I was gonna come home after school dropoff, go on a walk and then hunker down in my office to work on some projects that are floating in my brain right now and some things that I am hoping to translate into more income streams. NOPE!
I ended up in the ER till 1:30 pm and home in bed the rest of the day. My sweet kids were so worried and sad for me when they got home from school. I know they love me and it was so nice to see how worried they are.
The paradoxes are plentiful. I am so filled with so much gratitude that it wasn’t worse. So glad the girls weren’t in the car with me and injured as well. So glad I was in the beater car and not our suburban which is our main family car. So glad Matt could come right away to help me out and pick me up and take me to the ER. Glad the kid didn’t drive off. Glad he has full coverage insurance. Grateful for my family calling and messaging me all day and checking in today. Grateful for friends who are doing the same.
I am also SO ANGRY! That it happened at all and that it happens to people every day. That we live in a society that makes it necessary to drive a car so much. That I have to miss work. That I am going to have injuries to heal from for who knows how long.
Life. Strikes. Again.
This hangs on the wall in my office. A great reminder. It’s Life.
I also know that I will be okay. I’ve got me. So does Matt. So does our social network of community who have already offered cars and meals and help with our kids.
I know things happen. I held the hand of the kid who hit me yesterday and helped calm him down when he was spiraling that he ruined our car and I was hurt. I introduced myself and told him that it would all be okay. I know it will be not because of blind faith or a belief that I am more important than anyone else in distress, but because I will take care of things. I will be okay regardless of what happens.
I’ve got me.
That feels good to say. I have learned to trust myself so much these last few years. I’ve got me. And with the help of the community I have very intentionally brought close to me, I will make it.
Heart full of gratitude and love. This life can be so hard. And so worth it.
Sending love to you out there in the ether.
Stef
I want to share this book that really has helped me get through tough days. I share it with my kids when they have a rough one too. “Mom says some days are like that, even in Australia.” One of my childhood favs that has really had an impact on my mindset.
Also, here is a song that helps remind me to adapt and move with the wind. “One day I’ll learn how to sway.”