Yesterday was March 27, 2024. It was exactly one year ago that the shooting happened at the Covenant School here in Nashville, TN where I live. I want to commemorate this horrific anniversary by telling you my story.
Now, every person who goes through collective Trauma has their own story. I can remember exactly where I was when Princess Diana was announced dead. I can remember every minute of 9/11/2001 and much of the aftermath. I remember 4/20/99 when the Columbine school shooting occurred. I was a Freshman in high school at a school in Colorado about 25 minutes away from Columbine. I remember Sandy Hook. Oh man do I remember Sandy Hook. Uvalde. Parkland. (Too many of these are school shootings y’all). The Nashville Flood in 2010, the Tornado in 2020. The schools shutting down at the beginning of the Pandemic. All of 2020. I remember January 6th… you get my point. We all experience our very own personal stories in moments of Collective Trauma.
Here is mine from last year.
As part of my business I clean houses. I was at a client’s home last year and was cleaning the Primary bathroom when I got a phone call from my dad, who lives in Utah. I saw his name and knew something was wrong because my dad doesn’t usually call me. He is not a big fan of phone conversations. I answered and he said, “Are the girls okay?” to which I was very confused. I had been cleaning for the last few hours and didn’t check my phone or hear anything up until then. I flicked open my phone and saw the headline: ‘Shooting at the Covenant school in Nashville’ and I gasped! “Dad, can I call you back? My friend works at that school!” He said, “Yep” and I hung up. I have a friend who has worked at Covenant for a few years and 2 of her 3 kids attend the school.
I don’t know if I can adequately describe to you how it feels to text your friend and her husband and a mutual friend of yours at the same time to MAKE SURE THEY ARE STILL ALIVE AND THEIR KIDS HAVE NOT BEEN SHOT!! AT SCHOOL!!!!!
Here is the thing. I don’t even have to try and describe this to you because, like me, many of you have experienced this very thing or something extremely similar. It is infuriating that this is so commonplace.
It took about 10 minutes but my friend’s husband texted me back and said that she was alive and so were their 2 kids. I knew there were victims that didn’t make it out at this point and I was so so grateful that my friend and her kids were alive. And I felt so horrified that there are families in my community that sent their kids to school and they would never come home again. I think a lot of us parents cannot actually try and empathize with that because it is way too horrifying. And it is. And people all over the country have experienced it. Unacceptable.
So, I called my dad back and told him that my girls were okay, they are not located close to the Covenant school. The school district went into lockdown. The kids went about their day but the schools were shut and locked with no one allowed in or out unless there was an emergency.
By the end of the day we knew the names of the victims.
(Picture from the Tennessean)
Evelyn Dieckhaus, 9 years old
William Kinney, 9 years old
Hallie Scruggs, 9 years old
Mike Hill, 61 years old
Katherine Koonce, 60
Cynthia Peak, 61
The shooter was a former student.
I have many other close friends who know people in the Covenant school community. One of my friends went to visit her friend who has a son in the classroom where the kids were killed. He lost his best friend, William. He was in the classroom. My friend told me she sat and listened to this 9 year old child tell her he was so ANGRY. He just couldn’t stop feeling angry. His best friend is dead. He was there in the room when it happened. What he witnessed is beyond imagination. I have never seen someone get shot in front of me. We now have multiple generations of kids who have witnessed this kind of violence in their CLASSROOMS. It’s bad enough that we have so many young people who witness this on the street or in their family or community, but their CLASSROOMS? A place where they are supposed to feel safe? It makes me sick to my stomach.
I have another friend and client who was dear friends with Katherine Koonce, the Principal of Covenant who tried to stop the shooter and was shot and killed in the process. This friend of mine asked me when I saw her later in the week if she could tell me about her friend, Katherine. I said, “yes, of course!” and listened to her talk about a loving, fun and compassionate human being who had a passion for teaching and helping kids individually. My friend was in a small group through her church with Katherine and they had known each other for years.
I happen to clean the house of the friend that works at Covenant. In the weeks after the shooting she shared on her private Instagram some of the thoughts and experiences of her family. I won’t share too much because it is not my story to tell. I did see a video of her sweet daughter after they allowed the families to come into the school to do a walk through. To help process and heal they allowed families a few weeks later to walk through the building and share what happened. Her daughter showed her parents which closet she hid in and described hearing the shots being fired outside the door. My friend spoke about her daughter feeling guilty that she couldn’t hold her friend’s hand because she had to cover up her own ears with the loud gunshots being so scary.
My friend’s daughter has a display in her bedroom. It has the programs from all of the funerals of her friends and the Principal and Custodian and Teacher that were lost. She has them all spread out with candles and knick knacks to honor her friends. It is still there, in her room a year later.
The families spent the next few months going to funerals and attending birthday parties for what would have been the 10th birthdays of the 3 child victims. I know. It’s a lot.
And it is so real. Do you think the families of the Sandy Hook victims have ‘moved on?’ Do you think they don’t spend every day remembering their lost children? Do you think the families of the Columbine shooting victims don’t ever think about what they lost? That they are unaffected by it 25 years later? No. This kind of loss never goes away. You grow around the loss and experience your life but it is inside you for the rest of your life.
(Image from Fox 17 News, Nashville)
I am going to share a post that I made on Facebook below from last year. It still stands today. I also want you all to know that I grew up in a family of gun owners. My uncle and grandpa are/were hunters and outdoorsmen. I used to go out shooting in the desert with my family every year on one of our family vacations. I do not believe that any government leader wants to ‘take away’ everyone’s guns. Although part of me does believe that, after all these kids have been murdered in schools with guns and we have a massive issue with guns violence not just in schools, that people should be willing to give up their guns for the safety of the community. But I know that is a very idealistic view and one that will not fly in the USA. Let me share my words from last year.
From 3/27/2023
Rage
The thing is, there are no easy answers. There is no way to have a full and frank discussion on social media through videos or posts or shares about solutions for the gun violence epidemic in the US.
There is no way to share a tweet and have the full discussion. No way to read one news story and have all the facts. They get things wrong all of the time especially as they are unfolding breaking news and new information is being released.
The largest problem is our children live in a country with lawmakers who have the ability to pass laws that could change things… and they are doing almost nothing.
The recent passage of a federal law that is tightening requirements on gun registration and background checks, waiting periods and red flag laws, has made us all feel a bit better. “Something is being done: FINALLY!” We all thought.
Then we have Uvalde. Where the police force did nothing for an hour because they were afraid to enter the building since the shooter had an ASSAULT RIFLE and they didn’t want to die. So 21 kids and teachers did.
And now today. In my own home community. The devastation of another mass shooting. 3 9 year olds dead. 3 Adults: The principal, a substitute teacher and the school custodian. Dead. At the hands of a man who had plans. Plans to devastate an entire community and rob these kids of more innocence.
Shocking? Not really. In this day and age this is expected. We are numb. We are dead inside. We spent the day having panic attacks and texting our friends who have kids at Covenant school and waiting… hoping to hear from them that their little ones have been spared. Feeling grateful when we heard they are safe and guilty immediately because some people’s kids are not. 3 families sent their babies to school today and they won’t come home. Ever again.
What can we do? We can start by banning assault rifles. In the state of Tennessee we have some of the loosest gun laws in the nation. Our most recent gun legislation was a bill to LOWER the age that a person can legally purchase and carry a gun to 18 from 21. It is legal to conceal carry and open carry a weapon in the state of Tennessee. You do not need a permit or to take gun safety classes or to provide proof that you know how to handle your weapon. You can walk into a store, show an ID and purchase a gun and walk out and carry it around in public. The United States Military puts its recruits through rigorous weapons training and they must get certified before they are allowed to carry their guns around with them. Not in the streets of Tennessee though. You don’t need a permit to carry a weapon that can KILL someone. And assault rifles can kill many people in a very small amount of time. We. Do. Not. Need. Them. In. Our. Streets!!!!
We can require everyone who purchases a gun to have a full background check and mental health check. They must meet with a trained clinical psychologist who specializes in mental health around violent tendencies. If you have a history of domestic abuse or violent crime, no guns for you or anyone in your home.
We must expand mental health services to reach everyone across economic classes. Being in poverty should not mean you have no access to a therapist or psychiatrist. In fact those who suffer the most from systemic issues in our country should have MORE access than anyone to these services. Social support services in many countries around the world lead to less violent crime being perpetrated in the streets and communities.
We MUST invest more in public education.
All teachers and staff at our schools should attend training that includes defense. Not so they can carry guns in the classrooms but so they know how to defend themselves and anyone around them from violence. They need to have training on how to talk someone down from an escalated situation and some basic mental health services as well.
Our schools all need security cameras and metal detectors until our social services have expanded to the point that the shootings and violent crimes have diminished significantly.
These are some ideas I have. No one of them will “fix” it.
DOING NOTHING WILL ENSURE THAT THESE MASS SHOOTINGS WILL CONTINUE.
Making no changes will leave the door wide open for more violence and more killings.
The Republicans and Democrats are failing. Our kids are not safe. The number one cause of death for children under the age of 18 in the US is gun violence. Your children and mine have more of a likelihood to die from gun violence than ANYTHING ELSE.
What we are doing is not working. We must not shy away from these important conversations.
And today. We mourn. We weep. We scream. We cry. We hug each other tight. Tomorrow, we fight. We will not stop fighting.
Things feel so complex when there are so many perspectives and experiences. It’s true. I know this: kids should be able to feel safe at school. They don’t. We can and need to do much better than we are doing. We need to put public safety above corporate profit.
I am thinking about every person affected by gun violence and, specifically my friend and her family and the whole Covenant Community in Nashville this week as they mark a terrible Anniversary.
May we all show love and compassion to each other.
Sending love out there to you in the ether.
Stef
Sharing a song of love and hope and community.