Being away from your life for a month is an interesting experience. I miss things that normally don’t occur to me as being significant. I miss the quiet. I miss having autonomous control over my day in more ways. I miss my bed. Sitting on it and sleeping in it. I miss my bathroom. I miss my tv and the shows I love to watch. I miss my bookshelves and books. I miss the smell of my house. I miss my deck and backyard views. I miss driving by myself in the car. (This has almost never happened in the last month). I miss being able to choose my music and listen to a podcast. I miss sitting at my desk in my office. I miss my work. I miss my friends. Book clubs, meetups, cocktails with people I love. I miss my routine. I miss the fireflies. I miss not having to live out of a suitcase.
I am a happy girl in the desert. Always.
The long trip is so incredible in so many ways. And it reminds me of the things that make being an adult so good. Having more control and say over what my days are like is something I truly love. I like taking care of myself. I like doing the things that bring me joy and learning. I have been leaning into more respite for myself and it has yielded a lot of creativity and I am not ready to be done with all of that. The solitude has been giving me inspiration. It has been healing some pieces of my soul that have been rubbed raw through the last few years of deconstruction and reconstruction. I have scars from some of the things in my life that I couldn’t see until I started breaking down. But I feel like a lot of those wounds are healing. The scars won’t ever be gone but they will fade. And I will make them beautiful.
Lake Powell. Two days on the water and lots of incredible views and scenery connects me to nature and this world that we are a part of.
Leaning into my hermit needs has been soul filling and I am so inspired to keep allowing space for myself to do just this. I cannot wait to see what keeps coming out of this time in my life.
Stef
One of my favorite all-time songs. It reminds me of camping in the desert when Matt and I were dating. Sleeping in the back of my truck under the stars in Moab, UT. Sitting by the fire before bed while he played guitar and we sang together. It was a monthly if not weekly occurrence. Riding through the desert for miles and miles on a 4-wheeler and arriving home so covered in red dirt that your shower, sneakers and the floor of the car would not recover. I loved it all.