Everything hurts

All of it. The weight of the world. Tough conversations with friends. Every single thing feels like I am being scraped across broken glass. Watching people in power just take and take and take, with no real regard for anyone but themselves.

Hearing real stories from people in my life of lost jobs and real and dangerous threats to their families. Seeing how easy it is for some humans to completely disregard other humans based on watered down assumptions is so disheartening.

I was chatting with a friend the other day about how we are calling and emailing and protesting and the Republicans in power are just doing whatever they want anyway. I saw a friend’s video the other day and they said the called Marsha Blackburn’s Office and asked for her to vote against an anti-trans bill and she said she wasn’t interested in what her constituents had to say. So there’s that.

This is America. 🇺🇸

America also is: a nation of immigrants and indigenous people who love the land and know how to work in partnership with the land.

We are a nation where the Civil Rights Act was passed. And Roe vs Wade which granted women the rights to their own health care choices. We are a nation where Marsha P Johnson and other queer icons started the Stonewall riots that ended up being a watershed moment in queer rights.

We are a nation of poets, musicians, artists, engineers, doctors, nurses, farm workers, construction workers, contractors and many more important jobs.

We are a nation of dreamers. We are a nation of hard working people who care about each other.

We also have A LOT of issues. The wealth gap is widening. The ultra-rich are commandeering our Treasury and halting life-saving aide to foreign nations. Families are being picked up and put on planes to be deported.

Gun violence is still the top reason that children under the age of 18 die in our country.

And, somehow, this has all become too “political” to even talk about in public or with some people that we used to call friends—or family.

We are all hurting.

That makes people who are empaths and highly sensitive feel like we are being punched in the gut on a daily basis.

I had a massage the other day and was told she would have thought I was just in a car accident because I had such bad whiplash symptoms in my neck.

But it’s just stress, baby.

And I am working out or walking daily. I am drinking water and trying to talk to people who feel safe. I am trying to talk to my kids about what’s happening in “age appropriate” ways while also helping them navigate all of their normal life stuff. (Which includes a high school age daughter who is grieving another life lost from a recent school shooting in our city…you know, normal stuff).

Our bodies are not meant to hold so much. And I am feeling it.

My bones ache and my ankle hurts so bad I can barely stand. My chest feels heavy with anxiety and I can’t stop tearing up at the slightest provocation.

Everything hurts. From my beating heart, which feels like it’s being turned inside out daily, to my head and shoulders and even my toes.

So much grief.

So.

Here are some things that are bringing me joy.

My kids laughter.

Cold coke from a fountain with lots of ice.

Pictures of friends visiting Colorado on Instagram which make my heart ache and my eyes leak. I am so homesick.

A new musician I have discovered. MonRovia. He was a child of civil war in Liberia and was adopted and brought to Tennessee. His style is Afro Appalachian. And it’s bringing me so much joy.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2y6vEKzRcA49gCJEv9DP8N?si=x2k6ZUXQSQijF3JLwxQCtg

New Clients and fun work projects that I am working hard on and so excited about.

My family.

Morning sunrises. 🌅

Snuggles from my kids.

Conversations face to face with people who love others and and trying to do good in the world 🌍

Delicious Mexican food

Watching Fly Away Home with my kids and Matt

My husband who really loves me, a lot. I am so grateful for him. He is a warm and kind place for me to lay my head and he makes me feel like I can do anything.

What is bringing you joy today?

Sending you love,

Stef