A Little Heartbreak

Why do dogs have to die?

In February of 2020 we had some new neighbors move in. They were a young couple named Mike and Katherine who were engaged and they brought with them their dog, Kubo.

You all know the story of how March 2020 went. Well, here in Nashville, on March 3 we had a huge tornado race through our city and do significant damage. We lost power for 36 hours and had some sticks and branches down in our yard but about a mile north of us, the damage was very very big. Entire houses were destroyed as well as churches and businesses and 100 year old trees were pulled up by the roots and thrown asunder. Our city was reeling. We helped clean up yards and homes of people we knew and marveled at the news of so many lives lost and buildings destroyed. Our daughters gymnastics gym, Magnitude 10.0 in Hermitage, was leveled. We all were just barely getting organized for the big cleanups when, BOOM, we were told to go into quarantine right before Spring Break because COVID was on the way. We were gonna have to stay inside for a “few weeks” to see if we could slow the spread and keep ourselves safe.

You all know how those days were.

Well, in our little corner of the universe, my girls were playing outside every day. They made a large habitat for the various worms, slugs and bugs in our backyard and named it ‘Slimetopia’ and spent most of the Spring Days in our yard with our neighbor kid friend who had just moved in a few months earlier. And, they met Mike. He is Kubo’s dad and he was working from home and he would come sit outside in his back yard to take some calls and hang out with Kubo and to chat with my 3 daughters. They became fast friends. Mike says now that they were his first friends in Nashville. :) The girls would chat for hours with Mike over the chain link fence that separates our yards and they would play with Kubo. Katherine, Mike’s fiancee, had to work at Walgreens because she was essential since she is a Pharmacy Technician. So Mike and Kubo would hang with the girls. My husband, Matt, would spend a lot of time chatting with him too and a full-blown friendship ensued.

Cut to 4 years later and they have become dear friends of all of ours. They come to our Christmas parties and we have dinners together. They have met a lot of our family and friends and we have become doggy day care places for each other. Penny Lane, my dog who is 9 years old, goes over to their house when we go on small trips and we get to babysit Kubo when they go out of town. Kubo is a little younger than Penny Lane and he is the sweetest boy.

Penny Lane, in front and Kubo in back. Morning snuggle time.

I am a dog lover. Not an over the top one necessarily. I like dogs who are friendly and have bonded with certain dogs in my life. I grew up with dogs but they were mostly outside dogs. I loved them very much but didn’t have a really personal special bond that felt very unique until I got my own dog in 2007 named Elle (pronounced Ellie). We had a very close bond. I will write more about her on a different post. I also was close with my family dog named Hobbes who was a Golden Retriever. He passed away years ago as well. I am very close with Penny Lane, of course.

And then there is Kubo. He is definitely the first dog that I have bonded very closely with that doesn’t belong to me or my parents. Let me tell you about the kind of dog that he is. He is not super snuggly-and also snuggly at the same time. He likes to lay next to you or put his head on your lap or your leg but he only stays for a little bit until he needs to stretch out and cool off. He needs lots of pets and loves and he LOVES to give hugs. He will stand on the bed and jump and put his paws on each of your shoulders in the morning and give you a morning hug. He also has an adorable little wine when he is feeling happy and wants to talk to you. He smiles too. He loves kids and he is gentle towards small animals. You will find him playing with houseflies and laying next to baby bunnies in the back yard for a snuggle. He is the best and most sweet boy. He loves to come over to our house and play. He sometimes spends days here when his parents are both working long hours. He stays with us when they go on trips and vacations. We had him for almost a month once when they had to go to Vermont for a family emergency. They also got married while they were gone too. My kids were inspired and held a wedding for Kubo and Penny Lane so, technically, we are all related now.

A sleepy-faced Kubo sitting next to me on the couch.

One time when we had Kubo for a week or so while his mom and dad were out of town visiting family, I was having a rough night emotionally. There was a lot going on in the world, (shocker), and I was laying in my bed at night next to my husband. I started to cry and knew it was going to get to sob-level of tears pretty quick. I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. All of the sudden, I felt 2 heavy paws crawl up my legs and torso and lay down on my chest. I opened my eyes and it was Kubo. He-who-doesn’t-love-to-snuggle was sitting on top of my chest and looking in my eyes lovingly. I started to calm down as the weight of his body on mine brought me some comfort. My anxiety began to lessen and I ran my hands along Kubo’s neck and back and it brought some peace into my mind and body. When I was able to get calmed down, he stood up and went back to lay down on our little couch in our bedroom that was one of his favorite places to sleep at night.

Whatever it was that told him that I needed him, I am so grateful. I became teary in a whole new way when I realized that he was that sweet. He is super tuned into emotions and he knew I needed help. That was it. My heart was his forever after that.

When I shared this story with Mike and Katherine, they told me that any time they are having anxiety or a panic attack or anything like that, he does the same for them. A true emotional support dog.

My buddy boy.

How do they do that? Just work their little paws right into our hearts and make themselves at home.

Kuby-doo. Kubs. Kub.

He had to be put down yesterday.

He became ill last week. A Prostate and Kidney infection that got worse and worse. Fast. A weekend of emergency vet visits and 2 1/2 days in a doggie hospital hooked up to IV fluids and antibiotics and he just wasn’t improving. Kidney failure is not something you can come back from when you’re a doggo.

We are all still reeling. Our sweet friends came and sat on our couch last night for 2 1/2 hours after they got home from the vet after saying goodbye to their sweet boy. We all cried together and talked about Kubo and how much we love him. We also talked about Libraries and Lord of the Rings and how crazy life is and how weird. We hugged each other and expressed our sincere gratitude for each other and for our friendship.

Life is so hard. And in the really hard moments we can feel such incredible connection to each other. Katherine texted Matt and said: “Thank you for being Kubo’s second family.” I truly feel so grateful that I got to know him and have him in my life. My girl’s lives too.

I am so sad. I miss him already. I feel such sorrow and grief for my dear friends who now have a long road of grieving ahead of them. I feel so sad for my 3 kids who have never had a dog this close to them die. Their sweet and tender little hearts aching makes my heart ache too. Being a mom comes with so much grief. I grieve so hard for my kids when they are hurting. Matt is sad and grieving. It all just makes me so sad. Sadness with love. Bitter with sweet.

We really are so lucky to have dogs. They are companions without conditions. They love us even when we are not good to them. We are their whole lives while they are only a part of ours. It’s not a balanced scale, really. And yet, they don’t mind. They take what we can give them and only ask us to love them in return.

What a privilege. To be a friend to a dog.

With his head in my lap. I just love him.

Thanks so much for indulging me this week. The sudden loss is a lot to process and sharing it seems to make it feel a little more bearable.

Sending love to you all out there in the ether.

Please snuggle your dog-friends close tonight.

Love, Stef

Wanna have a good cry? Listen to Jimmy Stewart Read this poem about his dog, Beau, on the old Johnny Carson Show. Whew. Get the tissues ready.